Am i Dead Of Am I Dreaming Instead?
by RinxFallenAngel
Summary: ronnie left something or someone behind the night he left, or rather was forcefully taken.
1. Caught InBetween My Enemies

I sat in my crusting over bathroom, the phone clasped tightly in my hand. Chills ran down my spine at his face. He was out. He was finally here. The man I had been waiting for. The one who promised he would come back for me to bring me with him, saving me from the world I was currently living in. I just hoped that he still remembered and held strong to that promise. I wasn't sure how much longer I would last. Under these circumstances, I would say I only had one more year. I watched him walk free of the bars, walk away from all the shit that had gone down. He was out now, and looking better than ever.

Ronald Joseph Radke.

I had known him since his times on the streets. He had been the closest thing I had to family and when max came along the family grew. It was brilliant. At first that is. But as time went on and he got more absorbed in drugs, and his band I slowly began to fade into the background. I know he never meant to leave me like that. And he made sure I knew that before he went away. We had spent that one magical night together. He had visited the night before he went to jail. I had given him my most precious gift; I had known I wouldn't see him for a long time. The next day the cops had come. It was hard to see him being dragged away like that. It had almost torn me apart I may have ended my life if it hadn't have been for the life growing inside me. I had found out three months afterwards. I was pregnant with his child. I was so happy, and so was he. That is until, I lost it. I hadn't told him what had happened. He didn't know that I was living with my father again and that one night when he came home drunk he beat me worse than he ever had. I never told him that, that one boot to my gut was enough to put me in hospital for two days after the miscarriage. I had given up my bad habits of drugs for this baby. And now it was gone. I think Ronnie had been more torn up about it than me at the time. He hadn't spoken to me since…

But to see him leaving that cruel place was the best thing ever. I could only hope that the past that we shared would not hinder him coming to save me. For as I said I would be dead by the end of the year without him.

My Name is Samantha, but just call me Sam. I am an ordinary girl of 5,8 in height, I am curvy but slim because of the habit I restarted after the miscarriage to get me through. I have sickly pale skin and deep green eyes, black hair and a few tattoos that I got with Ronnie when he was free. And I have always loved Ronald Joseph Radke.

I smiled to myself as I saw him get into the car and drive off a free man. I turned the phone off and stuffed it into my bra to hide it from my father. I pushed up off of the now yellowing tiles in the bathroom and hesitated at the door listening for any sounds outside. It appeared to be quite. I slowly opened the door and crept out of the room. Heading for my room I heard a creek behind me. Spinning around I saw my dad standing there. By the dilated pupils and the glazed look, I knew he was hammered. I was in trouble. I ran to my room hearing the heavy pounding of his footsteps and my heart ringing in my eardrums. I slammed my bedroom door closed and locked it. Stumbling back to the corner of my room shaking and crying as the door shook under the fists. I knew that someday the door would give way and that then I would really be in trouble, I just hoped that Ronnie would come before then.

Sliding down the wall I pulled my knees to my chest in a feeble attempt to keep as much between me and the shaking door as possible. Tears ran down my face as I lent my head back against the wall.

Please Ronnie I need you. I mentally called to the only man I knew that could save me right now. Then again it did not know wether or not he would. I was shaking as I reached for my phone and scrolled down the page with all of the numbers on it. I saw his name and that photo of him. The last one I took, it was of him smiling so care free. Little did we know he would be locked away the next day. I looked at the number beside it. I highly doubted he had the same phone number after everything that happened. It seemed as though he wanted to distance himself from that time as much as he could so why would he keep the same number so people from the past could call him and start dredging up the past again.

I whimpered and lowered the phone and placed in on the floor beside me burying my face into my knees. I sat and waited for the banging to stop praying to god that the door would not cave under the force that was being forced onto it.

My body trembled and I couldn't help but let my eyes wander down to the phone again. The inner debate continued to wage inside my mind wether or not to even attempt to call. I mean even if he had the same number as before it doesn't necessarily mean that he would actually answer when I rang him. I mean I knew I wouldn't.

I shook my head and reached out and plucked up the phone. What was the worst that could happen? He doesn't answer? Or he does and gets angry? Not that I knew why he would. I sighed and pressed the little green phone button. Placing the cool plastic to my ear, I had to hold in a mildly shocked gasp as I heard the phone ring. I began to chew on my bottom lip a nervous habit I had picked up a while ago, as I waited for him answer.

As the phone continued to ring and I was giving up hope of him ever answering. the dial was cut short and I heard breathing on the other end. My insides froze as I heard it being answered. I gripped my arm tighter around myself and bit my lip harder making it bleed as the anticipation flooded my veins. My breath hitched and I found myself no longer able to breath as I waited tensely for any more sign of life from the other end of the line. That is when I heard it.

That voice rang out, so smooth yet raspy. That voice that could make me do anything it ever wanted me to. I would do anything and everything for this voice. For this man. I loved him.

" Hello Ronnie Speaking"


	2. Keep My Casket Closed

"Hello Ronnie Speaking"

His voice rang out seizing all conscious thought; I could no longer breath as I listened to him. My guts clenched and tears formed in my eyes over again. It was so hard to sit here and listen to him. Listen to the man I had only dreamed of talking to again. I bit my bottom lip. Could I really drag him into this again? He had only just attained his freedom. Would this be fair on him at all?

"Hello?"

His voice rang out again and I flinched. I bit back more tears and took in a shaky breath preparing to lie like I had never done before.

" H-hey Ronnie, its me S-Sam" I said softly trying so hard not to stuttered but the fear laced in my bones. What would he think of me now? The time between us talking had been vast. I heard the breath on the other line falter slightly. I shrank into myself.

"H-hey Sam" he replied his voice taught and tense. He didn't want to be hearing from me. I let my head sink as the hair feel in front of my face. Tears dripped down and onto the moulding carpet below me. My frame shook with the silent tears that I shed.

" I heard you were o-out I just wanted to see how you w-were" I breathed out clasping the phone so hard my knuckles turned white. Clinging to this weak little plastic device like a lifeline. I flinched again as the banging grew louder. I wanted nothing more than to beg and plead with Ronnie to come and save me from my hell. But I couldn't burden him with me again. He had just got his life back; I wasn't going to take it all away now.

" Look Sam its great to hear from you b-but…" the bang continued and there was a loud crack as the door began to give way. " what was that?" he questioned

I flinched back and bit back more tears as I saw the wood caving under the force being laid into it.

" Look I go to go, I totally understand Ronnie. I wouldn't want to talk to me again either" I breathed tears running down my face

" What Sam wait!" I closed the flip top and lent back against the wall tears cascading down I couldn't drag him into this again. I knew that the only reason he would come now as a sense of duty, not because he wanted me back. I was a burden to him. I always had been. I got to my feet and dashed for the window as the door fell after one last crack I grabbed the keys off of my bedside table and jumped out of the second story window. Hitting the ground hard on my side I let out a cry of pain before dragging myself to my feet and limping for the car. I wouldn't stay here I wouldn't continue to be a burden.

Getting in I let the car roar to life before reversing out of the drive way and speeding down the road. The world whipped by me as the tears laced my vision. The rain pelted down onto the ash vault and the windshield. The window whippers were having a hard time clear everything out of the way. But I didn't really want to see the world around me. I just wanted it to stay, as it was a blurred mess. Here I could think. My mind strayed to all of the times Ronnie and me were together. What we had done. What we had gone through. I knew he wanted to distance himself from the path. To get away from all of the bad memories that haunted him still.

I wouldn't go to him. I wouldn't ruin everything he had been fighting for, for the last four years. The tires slid under me slightly as I turned a corner, I didn't know where I was going I was just letting my mind stare my body blankly.

I was brought to a stop outside a house. I looked up recognising it immediate. It HIS house. Ronnie. Tears shot down my face as I stood outside of the car looking up at the place I knew oh so well. The rain pelted down onto me. I dashed back into the car as the front door opened and peeled away from the curb I wouldn't face him. Not ever. He was better off without me.

As I continued to drive along, the weather grew more treacherous not that I cared. My mind was wrapped around one thing. Ronald Joseph radke. The man I loved but could, no would never touch again. This was what was best. For me to be away from him. He didn't need to have to clean up after my messes anymore. I would leave him to live his happy life. To reach for fame. To prove everyone wrong. He was going to make it. He was going to be strong and be the best. I knew he would. He didn't need me there to do that. He was fine on his own; he still had so many people with him.

I was not necessary for him. I was just a burden that could only hinder him. Killing his final chance. I wouldn't let that happen not now, not ever.

My head shot up as I heard a screeching. Slamming on the breaks the tires slid over the water coating the ash vault. The car spun then everything was thrown upwards through the air, rotating. Everything in the car whirling around. My body flung around like a cheap doll. Everything paused in slow motion as I saw the river coming.

Before I had time to register what had happened, the car had submerged. The water rushed in coating everything. Strangling. It held me pinned to the chair. My seatbelt was jammed stuck. No matter how I tried, it would not budge. The water coated my lungs as my mouth opened, to try and find the life source, air. My tears merged with the water around them. My chest convulsed and clenched painfully in its search for air. But all it could find was water. The world began to fade.

This had been my escape.

But I was never meant to.

The only way to escape this.

Was to let the world take me.

So here I lay.

Lost in the water.

Hand floating up.

As though to grasp a fellow outstretched one.

One that would never come.

So I let go.

Having only his face linger in my thoughts.

So Keep My Casket Closed


End file.
